Busy Night

We had a busy night tonight. First, the chiropractor. Second, back to the apartment to pick something up. Third, dinner at Tokyo Grill. Fourth, Columbiana Center to see Sarah at Coldwater Creek. Fifth, went to pick Josh up. Sixth, Best Buy to get a new computer. Logan did great until Best Buy and then he got hungry. He's happy right now though, but I'm not sure when he'll go down for the night. We'll see.

7 Weeks

I can't believe Logan is 7 weeks old today. The last few weeks have gone by pretty fast. I have to say. I am starting to truly love being a Mom. Not that I have hated it, but it is an adjustment. It's starting to get fun and joyous. Logan's colic has gotten better. He doesn't cry for as long as he was. Now, I know most of the time why he cries. When it gets inconsolable, I know that he's just really tired and fighting sleep. It's great when you figure things out. I'm also getting a little closer to God because of Logan! It's great to be able to turn to Him for comfort!

Logan's First Bath

I gave Logan his first bath today. As soon as I put him in his tub he proceeded to pee all in the water. I told him, "Logan, that kind of defeats the purpose of taking a bath." So, we started over. He seemed to like being in the water at first, but towards the end, he decided he was done and started to cry. I think he just got cold even though I turned the air off before we started. When I dried him off and put him in his robe he was happy again. It wasn't a bad experience. I think he'll come to like bath's eventually.

This Weekend

My parents and Grandmother came this weekend. It was pretty fun. We got to go and see the new Terminator movie while Mom and Granny kept Logan. I like now knowing that I can get out of the house without him for a couple of hours and he'll be fine. We also went to lunch with just my parents while Granny kept him at home. I love my son, don't get me wrong, but it was nice to get a couple of breaks.

Mike and I went to Frankie's Fun Park yesterday. We just played around in the arcade. Logan slept the whole time. It was pretty fun. We haven't been there in a long time. It was a nice little family outing. Not very interesting news, but it was a nice weekend.

Constipation

My poor little guy was so constipated last night. He just cried for a few hours. He was awake from 1:00pm to 7:00pm. That's a really long time for him. Thankfully though, he slept until 1:30am before waking up to eat. So, Mommy and Daddy got some good sleep last night. I wish I knew what caused him to be so miserable. I don't know if it was something I ate or if it was because I had been trying to get him on formula the last couple of days. I have changed my mind about the formula and am just going to keep breast feeding for as long as I can. I'm really enjoying it more these days. It really is a special thing. God is really teaching me how to be a mother. Mike has been wonderful as a dad and a great encouragement to me. God has given me two of the greatest guys in the world!

Logan's Birth Story

Well, I started having contractions Thursday night on April 30th. For the most part they stayed 10 minutes apart for until Wednesday morning. Then they started to really pick up. So, I called Katie and told her that they were really close together. They kept coming for awhile, but then they slowed down again. So, we went out to breakfast, then went to the chiropractor, then went walking at the zoo to see if they would pick back up. Oh, somewhere in there we figured out that my water had broken at about 2:30 that morning. I wasn't sure, but they tested my pad and found amniotic fluid. So, after all the walking, my contractions were even further apart. I was miserable. So, they had me taking cotton root to stir up contractions. It worked a little, but it never got me to the point of labor. Then, we did caster oil. It didn't work either. Finally, they approached me with my options. Because my water had been broken for almost 24 hours something needed to happen. I could try to sleep at home and see if anything happened by the next day or I could go to the hospital and get an epidural and possibly have to get induced. Everything in me told me that it was time to go to the hospital. So, we traveled for and hour and a half to the hospital in Manning, SC because that was where my consulting physician, Dr. Moore was and it wasn't an emergency. On the drive up, my contractions picked up to the point of being in labor. So, I got and epidural so I could sleep. When I woke up at about 6 on Thursday morning, they told me they had to give me Pitosen to induce labor because my contractions had slowed down again. My epidural started really wearing off on my left side during labor so I had to get more medicine. I started pushing at 8:00am. After two hours, still no baby. The doctor told me he would let me push for one more hour if I wanted, but after that, we would have to do a c- section. Logan just wasn't able to come out. I ended up pushing for two more hours instead of one because there was an emergency c-section that had to be done so the operating room was occupied. I was in the most pain I have ever felt in my life. When we went in to do the c-section I had to get a special spinal epidural because my left side still didn't stay numb. I had the hardest time of my life with this and even now being home, I'm not doing the greatest yet. But every day is getting better. There was tremendous relief when I heard Logan cry for the first time. I cried right when I heard him. So did Mike. We love him so much! God has given us such a beautiful boy!

The Motions

This might hurt
It's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care If I break

At least I'll be feeling something
Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

Chorus
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

This is pretty much how I feel right now. There has been such a distance between God and me for so long and I'm sick of it. I want that relationship back. Especially now because I don't think I can make it without it. We have a baby on the way and I want him to grow up knowing who Jesus is. I'm learning more and more that life is impossible without God. I'm not the person I used to be. I don't talk to God the way I used to. I don't read His Word on a regular basis. I don't bring Him my struggles and worries and when I do, it's like a last resort. I don't want God to be my last resort. I want Him to be the one I go to first because He's the only one who can make things right. I want Him to be in my thoughts all the time. I want Him to be the one I live for again. I've been living for myself for so long and it's getting me nowhere but to a place of apathy. I want a higher purpose instead of just trying to make it through the day. I want to be involved in other people's lives. I don't really have friends right now that I can hang out with and I don't really have a ministry. I spend my days off in my apartment by myself. I'm not investing in others the way I want to. I need relationships. I need a relationship with God. I need relationships with others. I love my husband, but I need other people in my life as well and I just don't have that right now. I need people who will talk about God with me and encourage me to keep working on my relationship with Him. This is very heavy stuff for 3 am, but I can't sleep because I'm to stressed out about things. And that's another issue. When I was really close to God, I was never kept awake at night worrying about things. Now, it's pretty common. Anyway, that's me right now. I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep trying to know God again. I need Him more than anything.