New Blog

I may still post on here, but I followed my Mother-In-Law over to wordpress. It just seems like a nice change. My address is www.tangerubbo.wordpress.com

Attacked

Satan loves to attack me when things are going well. My day started off really nice and easy. I fed the baby, played with him, put him down for his morning nap, folded laundry, got a cup of coffee, and took a book to read outside on the deck. Then all of a sudden, BAM! My day turned horrible and I did not handle it well. I really failed at kicking Satan in the teeth today. I hate that. Why does he have to ruin good things? Why do I have to be tempted with anger and why do I give in to that anger? It's just another reminder that I am a fallen human being. I am not perfect and I really hate that.

I have this big desire to be perfect and when I'm not I beat myself up. And lately I have too many bruises to count. I know that being angry is not wrong, but I hate the way I feel when I'm angry. It's the closest I ever come to being out of control of myself. I don't get drunk and I don't get high, I get angry. I am a very angry person lately and I just want to get back to feeling the love of God around me. My emotions tell me that it's impossible to feel that love again. But my head, that knows nothing about God is impossible, is telling me that I can feel that love again and be wrapped up in my Savior's arms. I just hope that day comes soon.

Silence

I have recently rediscovered how wonderful silence can be. When I say silence I mean silence from a radio, computer, or television. I have recently always had to have something on in the background so it wouldn't be so quiet in my house. Now I really enjoy the silence when Logan is asleep. I get to hear ambient noises. I get to really hear the thoughts in my head that I can't listen to when other things are on. There really is something to quiet reflection. That is where everything is put into perspective. You can really think about who you are and how you have been with others.

I also used to read while listening to the radio, but now reading in silence is such a joy because I can picture things going on in my mind so much better than I can when there's other noise. It helps my imagination to just soak in what I'm reading.

I have a greater ability to think when it's silent. I find it rather silly that I'm just now discovering this, but maybe that's what happens when there are kids in the house who are always making noise. Not that their noise isn't beautiful in itself, but it's nice to get a break from all of that and be refreshed by the quietness that comes at nap time.

I Can't Come Up With A Title

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. We moved into a house. It's really nice. We had about 20 people, including 5 kids over last Wednesday. That was crazy, but fun. We had house guests from Tuesday to Saturday. Logan was really fussy for the first week we were here. He still is a little fussy. I have had to cut dairy out of my diet because the doctor thinks that may be why he's had so many digestive problems, given the fact that both Mike and I are lactose intolerant. I have thought about going to formula, but despite how time consuming it is, I really love breastfeeding. I have also started pumping so that makes it a little easier to take a bottle with us when we go out or Mike can feed him sometimes and have a little time with him. Anyway, Logan is changing all the time. He "talks" to us a lot. It's hard sometimes, but we love him and we're so happy to have him. He's got such personality.

Two Months

I can't believe it! Logan turned two months old yesterday! I can't say it's gone by really fast because the first month was really hard and seemed to drag on forever, but the second month flew by. He has grown so much. He is now two feet tall. I'm not sure how much he weighs, but we think it's probably at least 14 pounds. I am really learning how to be a mom and have my own identity at the same time. He has become such a joy to have around. He's a lot of fun!

In other news, Mike cut his finger at work and has 13 stitches. It has turned out to be a blessing to me because he has been able to be at home more because his finger prevents him from being able to do a lot of his managing duties. It is, however, hard on the bank account. We didn't do much for the 4th of July. We just went to Aaron and Joy's for dinner and then watched a movie. It was nice. We put Logan to sleep upstairs in what will be our room when we move in with them. It was good to get a break and just relax while he slept.

Busy Night

We had a busy night tonight. First, the chiropractor. Second, back to the apartment to pick something up. Third, dinner at Tokyo Grill. Fourth, Columbiana Center to see Sarah at Coldwater Creek. Fifth, went to pick Josh up. Sixth, Best Buy to get a new computer. Logan did great until Best Buy and then he got hungry. He's happy right now though, but I'm not sure when he'll go down for the night. We'll see.

7 Weeks

I can't believe Logan is 7 weeks old today. The last few weeks have gone by pretty fast. I have to say. I am starting to truly love being a Mom. Not that I have hated it, but it is an adjustment. It's starting to get fun and joyous. Logan's colic has gotten better. He doesn't cry for as long as he was. Now, I know most of the time why he cries. When it gets inconsolable, I know that he's just really tired and fighting sleep. It's great when you figure things out. I'm also getting a little closer to God because of Logan! It's great to be able to turn to Him for comfort!