Unnatural

I have not had a great prayer life lately. I don't do it as often as I used to, which was constantly. And when I do do it, it just feels so unnatural. It's like I don't know the Person I'm talking to. I feel like a stranger and that I don't have the right to say anything. I don't feel the connection. And I know that it's totally my fault because God is always there and listening. I know He loves me and I know He wants me to talk to Him and He wants to talk back. I do love Him too, but I feel like we are so far apart right now. Thank goodness that God is not changed my our emotions.

I am a very emotional person and a lot of my relationship with God has been emotional. But it has also had a solid foundation to the point where no matter how I felt, I still knew the truth and never believed for a second that He wasn't there. I am still not convinced that He is not there, but I am not as confident as I once was. I want a relationship with Him. I want Him to be my everything again because I love Him and I will not go back to the way I was before Him.

I need to stop being lazy. I need to stop waiting for someone else to figure out what they are going to do and just go ahead and do what I know I should be doing. I need to be working with youth in some way. I need to be investing my time in teenage girls because that's what I have been called to do. Even though I am not as close to God as I used to be, I still believe that is where I am called. It's time to stop being selfish with my life because it isn't really mine, it is God's. I gave it to Him years ago because I needed Him. He wants to give me an abundant life and so far He has.

I'm ready to get back to my abundant life!