Playing Dumb

Luke 24:13-35

This is what John preached on in church today. Jesus had just resurrected from the tomb. He came up behind two men and just walked with them. The interesting thing is that He didn't tell them who He was. He just asked them questions about what had happened recently (like He didn't already know). These men were really broken about Jesus' death. They told Him that they were hoping that He was the one who was going to redeem Israel. Jesus walked with them and talked with them until they got where they were going. Jesus was going to keep going, but they insisted that He stay with Him.

John brought up the point that maybe Jesus played dumb with them in order for them to work out the pain that they were feeling. They were so heartbroken by His death that they just needed time to work through it and just ask questions and to vent about all that had happened. Jesus didn't just come right out and tell them who He was. He let them work through their pain and spoke to them in an encouraging way.

When we go through things that are hard, it is only in God's timing that we get over them. He knows that we sometimes need time to work through the pain of everything, but He is always there to guid us through it.

John also brought up the fact that these two men didn't want Jesus to leave at the end of the night because they had had such a great time with Him. It's kind of like the end of a really great date when one person has to get home and neither one wants the night to end because it's been such an amazing time. Maybe that's how these men felt with Jesus. They would do anything to make Him stay so the night lasts a little longer. I've definitely had times in my life that I didn't want to end.

Jesus wants us to be closer to Him. Another thing I heard today was that when we ask God to allow us to grow closer to Him, we don't really expect Him to do it. We get this "if it's your will attitude." It's totally His will above all else that we have a close relationship with Him. Of course, if we ask Him for it, He'll give it to us. He came here and died because He wants a relationship with us.

Sorry if I was all over the place, but I was just trying to get it all down before I forgot some things.

Unnatural

I have not had a great prayer life lately. I don't do it as often as I used to, which was constantly. And when I do do it, it just feels so unnatural. It's like I don't know the Person I'm talking to. I feel like a stranger and that I don't have the right to say anything. I don't feel the connection. And I know that it's totally my fault because God is always there and listening. I know He loves me and I know He wants me to talk to Him and He wants to talk back. I do love Him too, but I feel like we are so far apart right now. Thank goodness that God is not changed my our emotions.

I am a very emotional person and a lot of my relationship with God has been emotional. But it has also had a solid foundation to the point where no matter how I felt, I still knew the truth and never believed for a second that He wasn't there. I am still not convinced that He is not there, but I am not as confident as I once was. I want a relationship with Him. I want Him to be my everything again because I love Him and I will not go back to the way I was before Him.

I need to stop being lazy. I need to stop waiting for someone else to figure out what they are going to do and just go ahead and do what I know I should be doing. I need to be working with youth in some way. I need to be investing my time in teenage girls because that's what I have been called to do. Even though I am not as close to God as I used to be, I still believe that is where I am called. It's time to stop being selfish with my life because it isn't really mine, it is God's. I gave it to Him years ago because I needed Him. He wants to give me an abundant life and so far He has.

I'm ready to get back to my abundant life!

Passion

You know how there are songs that are just so powerfully sung you are just moved by them. I heard John Gallagher Jr. sing one tonight. It's called "The Goodbye Song" by Joe Iconis. Something Jess said to me about Rent has stuck with me for a long time. She said you can see how much they love doing it. That is how it was with this song. John put so much passion into it he made you feel something. I wish I knew what God wanted me to do with this heart for celebrities and theater. I mean I know I could pray for them, but that doesn't seem like it's enough. I want to know them. I feel so connected to them through their singing voices and the passion with which they sing. I hardly ever get that when people sing about God. Where's the passion, people? Where's the belief in what you're singing about? Why is it that people who may not even believe in God can sing about something with such passion that it makes you want to cry, yet we can't be the same way when we sing about the One who gives us life and passion? And they're really aren't a lot of songs out there that embody a passion for Christ. Most of them sound the same and there's no meat to them. What I wouldn't give to see a Christian artist be as passionate as John Gallagher Jr.

A Harry Potter Mishap

So, I go online to check my bank account today and Amazon has charged me double for the Harry Potter books. I think, surely it could not cost that much to go through customs. And it's impossible to get in touch with anyone on the phone because I ordered from the UK. So, I have emailed them to find out what exactly the extra charge was for. The thing is, if it is not a mistake and I try to send them back. I will only get reimbursed for what I paid for the books. I of course won't get back what all the duties were on it, so it's like if that's the case, what's the point? I'll have to keep them either way and be out a lot more money than originally planned for. We had the money, but we are really trying to save. It's just a suckie situation.

My New Books I Just Ordered

These are a belated birthday gift to myself with money I had left over. I am so excited. Hardbacks of the Harry Potter Series all the way from the UK. Not the American Versions. Woo Hoo!!!! I can't wait for them to get here!!

Morbidly Me

I have been reading the journals of Sylvia Plath lately and I am really enjoying them. It has kind of struck me that I enjoy reading about sad things. I enjoy watching sad things. Maybe "enjoy" is not the right word. I don't avoid them because I feel like they do what a lot of other things don't which is tug at my heart. I feel like I connect with people more if I know all of their crap than if I just know the good things. That's why I love to read auto biographies. I feel connected to people who are famous when I read an honest account of their lives. I would rather hear about the hard times than the happy ones. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy hearing about the triumphs in my friends lives. But, I just feel more connected in the bad times for some reason. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I feel like people think I am a sick person because of this. But, for me, this is how God gets me to connect with others that need Him.

I want to know what others have gone through up until this point in their lives and I like the fact that it's not always an easy road because that makes them all the more real to me. That is what draws out my compassion.

Going After God

I have decided to begin another Bible Study for myself. I came acros a Beth Moore study that I had started awhile ago, but didn't get very far in. I had actually bought the audio cd's with her talks on them. So, I listened to the first one yesturday and then did the first day in the workbook. I have to say I am excited because this is something I know I can commit to because it's so in-depth. For those of you who can't stand Beth Moore or doing personal Bible study led by someone else's experience, I'm sorry. I just tend to learn so much from someone else that's teaching. Every Beth Moore study I have ever done has been a incredible experience. The study I am doing is called Living Beyond Yourself. It seems like the perfect time for me to do this because I have not felt like I can do much of anything right these days, and I can't in my own strength. I need to learn how to let God control me and I need to realize that He can change me in so many ways if I would just let Him do what He wants. I am so excited, for the first time in a really long time, about God teaching me something.

Happy Anniversary!!

Today, I have been married to the most wonderful man for 3 years! It's hard to believe because it's gone by so fast. It hasn't been an easy road. We've had some pretty rough times. But we made it through and we're still here. I look forward to making it through for many years to come because it is so worth it. He is the most amazing husband who loves me for me and who will do anything in his power to make me happy. I couldn't imagine anyone else as perfect for me as him.

Terrible Friend

Do you ever feel like you have been such a bad friend that you think your friends should just ditch you. I feel like that right now. I am a terrible friend. I don't keep in touch and when I say I'm going to do something, I don't do it. I really need to work on a lot of things about myself. To my friends who are still sticking with me, thank you. And please bare with me because I'm really going to try.

Heath Ledger: Dead

As some of you may not know, I have a heart for the Hollywood community. I am still in shock about hearing of Heath Ledger's death. It's just not usually the big actors that are found dead. Sure, it happens, but not very often. It's at times like these that I really want to do something to help. I've been praying for the family and friends, but for some reason, I wish I could do more. It's not very easy when God has put Hollywood and actors in general in your heart and you don't live anywhere near them. I just wish there was more that I could do. I know this may sound silly to some of you, but this is really where my heart is.

How I Feel Right Now

I feel like I am done ranting about things that have happened with finances lately. This thing was not our fault, so what control did we have over it? I havn't ranted on here about what happened and I'm not going to. There's no point anymore. I'm kind of over it. Money is really a stupid thing to get upset about. Not that we don't need it, but it's not what defines us. Why get angry over it? Why let it drive a wedge between another person and yourself? So, I'm over it. All we can do is be responsible with our money and we've been doing that.

Anyway, I've spent time with God two days in a row now! This is a big thing for me. This is something I've always had a hard time with. Granted I've woken up extremely early the past two days (5:30am yesturday and 6:30am today), but I don't even mind because I like the quiet early in the morning. I feel really connected with God when it's quiet. I just feel really blest so far this week. My in-laws came and took us out for dinner for my birthday. They gave me some really awesome presents, including Gilmore Girls Season 7. It was a really nice visit. Our friends at church that we met the first day just became pastor and found out that they are pregnant with twins. Work was fun yesturday. It's been good!