Last night, I finally got to hang out with some of my co-workers. It was a blast. We went to Jillian's for shag night. I suck at it so far, but Stephen is a good teacher, so if I keep going on a somewhat regular basis, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. That is, if he's still willing to dance with me. Anyway, afterward we went to another bar that was having Live Jazz. It was amazing. The places you never even know are there or would never have thought to go to can be some of the coolest places in the world. Those musicians were so talented. So, that was my night. It was a blast!
On Friday, I visited a website that I go to periodically. It is the website of a Christian Bording School in Mississippi. I do this because two of my favorite people in the world are house parents there. My old high school Bible teacher and his wife. I have been really close to them since I was 16. However, we lost touch a couple of months after my wedding, so I hadn't talked to them in over two years. I just all of a sudden got this incredible need to hear Cindy's voice in particular. I have wanted to call the school before and get their number and I can't explain why I never did it before now, but nothing was going to stop me this time. Cindy was the one pushing me in high school. The one that encourage me and helped me press on in my relationship with Jesus. She kept me accountable and made sure she asked me how I was doing with God.
I've not really had a relationship with Jesus lately and I came to the conclusion that I really need someone, other than my husband, who will ask me about the most important relationship I am in. I don't know why it doesn't happen here and I don't do it for others myself. It doesn't make any sense. We're not supposed to do this alone. We're supposed to look out for each other and encourage each other and I am the biggest failure at this.
So, I was really missing Cindy because there is no way she would have ever let me get like this. She would never let me get to the point where I hardly ever think about God. She is all about God and ministry and that is what a lot of our conversations always consist of. And that just rocks my world. I love those conversations because they get me fired up about how God can use me and get me fired up to continue my relationship.
Anyway, I finally called the school on Friday and it was so easy to get their number. As soon as I got it, I called. My heart was beating a mile a minute as I heard the phone ring. For some reason I was nervous, almost like I didn't expect it to be a welcome phone call, which was utterly ridiculous. And sure enough, Cindy was the one who answered the phone. As soon as I heard her voice I just started crying. It was such a great talk. She told me all about what they were doing with the school and of course was very encouraging and told me that she could totally see Mike and I there as house parents if we ever decided to go that route. Such a cool woman! I got to talk to her husband, Dennis, for a few minutes, but he had to go to the store to get food to feed the 16 girls that they live with. It was great to talk to him. It was such a great time and there will be many more to come now that we have the information. I am so thankful that these amazing people are back in my life. PRAISE THE LORD!
The picture at the top is the house they live in.
We had a pretty nice weekend. On Saturday, Mike and I went to Riverfront. I had never been there before and I really liked it. It's a nice place to just walk. I can see going there a lot to be alone. Then, we went to the Flea Market to look around. Didn't really find anything, but it was nice to be out. Here comes the frustrating part. I went shopping for some more winter clothes on Saturday and Sunday and came back with absolutely nothing. There was just nothing that I liked. I went out with high hopes and excitement and came home grumpy and annoyed. I'm not a huge fan of shopping to begin with, but this was ridiculous. Anyway, I know that this is a minor problem in the grand scheme of things but, I just needed to vent because I don't get to shop for clothes very often.
Have you ever noticed what happens when people who have moved away come back to visit? You feel like you have to get to know them all over again. It's weird to think that they have this completely different life that you are no longer in. I love my friends and I love when I get to see them, but it's almost like an out-of-body experience that makes it seem unreal. It's like a dream. Then after they are gone, you have to ask yourself, "Where they really here?" And sometimes you have to go through the grief process all over again. This is always how it is for me. Would I trade it for anything? Absolutely not. It just tugs at your heart to know that even though you are getting to be with them now, in a few days they will be gone again.
I found a copy of the cartoon version of "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown." It's very interesting how they made those little kids sing all those high notes, and not exactly well. Sometimes I need something to take me back to my childhood. I don't want to be a kid again, but sometimes I miss the innocence of it all. Not knowing how hard life can really be sometimes. Not having to confront people with issues that you never thought would cross your path. As I was watching Charlie Brown last night I just really felt like a kid again. It was good to sit there and laugh like a little girl and also to experience my husband enjoying me laugh. That's why they are my favorite cartoons. They're innocent but really smart at the same time. Anyway, these are just ramblings, but we all need to ramble every once in awhile. I wish I was more active in my own life where I could just remember every detail of how I feel at certain times and what goes through my mind when faced with certain issues.
For the first time in my life I feel like I am going through depression. I really have a lot of unresolved issues I've been dealing with lately. Especially in regards to my grandmother. I honestly don't want to go home a lot of the time because I know I'll have to see her. She is very manipulative and guilt-trippie. She thinks that she is the only reason I come home. I have never been able to say anything to her because I have never seen anyone stand up to her really. My father has a couple of times, but I have never really seen it. I love her because she is my grandmother and that's about it. I feel horrible for thinking this way, but what do you do if a family member is someone you wouldn't have anything to do with if they were someone you just met? She said something to me on the phone the other day that gave me the impression that she partly blames me for her bad health.
I mean, come on. Why is it my fault that she worries about everyone constantly? Why is it my fault that she doesn't eat? Why am I the bad grandchild that doesn't come to see her even though I live 3 hours away? I am sick of getting blamed for everything. This is 26 years of this stuff that I've had to just deal with. The stupid thing is that her manipulations work. I do feel guilty for not calling her more, but I shouldn't. I call her about as much as I do my own parents. Why does she need to be more important than they are? Why does she truly believe that she is the one who raised me? Why does she not like my mother? Why does she think she is more important than my mother?
Sorry for all the ranting, but I just needed to do that.
Well, let's see. My grandmother had a stroke on Monday and I think she kind of blames me. My husband has been sick this week, so we havn't done much. The DVD player is broken so we can't really watch anything together. I am starting to get sick. Starbucks sucks around the holidays. I havn't seen any friends for almost two weeks. Basically, I have been a hermit. Nuf said for now.
I had to turn someone in for doing something wrong yesturday. It sucked. I don't like being the bad guy. It was hard because I get along really well with this person, but what they did was very dagerous. I was worried that my doing this would hurt our relationship, but fortunately today, we talked and he said I did the right thing. He said if I hadn't done it, he never would have known he did anything wrong. I lost a bit of sleep last night worrying about this.
The other weird thing is that my husband had to work all day today. He is still there and probably will be until about 11:00pm. I miss him. So, I rented a movie to keep myself amused. It was Love Actually. I have to say I think I liked it, yet there were some things that really bothered me about it. I guess my conscience was in overkill tonight because I felt bad for liking it. I hate when that happens. You're enjoying something and then the reality of it just hits you. Anyway, that's my story over the last couple of days. I am so ready for the mountains this weekend and getting to listen to Harry Potter in the car.
I had a really nice night with my husband. We had dinner and hung out on the couch for awhile watching 24. Then we went out to Chik-Fil-A to get some fries and a milkshake. We came back home and watched How I Met Your Mother. It was just a really good night together. Now I'm trying to catch up on reading for my Harry Potter class.
Since this is my first post I want to explain the title and address of my blog. First, the title, "Where Do We Go From Here?" This comes from a song on the soundtrack of the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It is one of my favorite songs. But just the question it asks has been really important in my life. I am always asking myself after certain things happen, where do I go from here? What do I do with this? It, to me, is a really valid question in everyday life. There are always things happening that are either good or bad and in life, we have to decide how to respond to those things.
As for the address, pottersalchemy, it is based on something that we just studied in my Harry Potter class. We talked about how Harry Potter follows the trail of alchemy. It's a lot to get into on here, but it's very interesting stuff. It came from our textbook, Unlocking Harry Potter. It's really good. Anyway, sorry this is kind of boring stuff. My next one will be better I hope.
